an epiphany

Do you ever just stop and marvel at the wonders around you? The way that the day transitions into the night, seamlessly. How the bright blue, cloudy sky turns a beautiful shade of sienna for a split second, before the chilling dark blue takes over. It always amazes me how great this universe is. So many colours transition right before humanity, all in the span of 24 hours. How nothing ever stays the same. Everything is always evolving, at its own pace.

1AM could be a deep dark shade of blue, 2AM could be a lighter deep dark blue, and eventually it turns into the prettiest shade of light pink and orange I’ve ever seen. Kids will wake up and drag their feet to school, grandparents will take a walk around the park, salarymen will grumpily make their way out for work. Every day is a new day but we’re all stuck doing the same things we ought to be doing.

Do you ever just look up at the sky and have this epiphany that you can’t wrap your mind around? I had that epiphany whilst I was walking home. It was the first time that I’ve walked home alone since forever. When I mean alone, I meant without any distraction like music and friends to talk to. It almost felt like I was forced to be with my own thoughts, to confront my inner demons. Inner self.

What if we’re actually okay being on our own but because of society’s expectations, we believe that we’re sad if we were ever to be alone. What if we hide behind society’s expectations because we are afraid of being alone. We are afraid that we get too loud in our own minds. We can hide our feelings from other people, but we can’t hide our own feelings from ourselves. What if instead of dealing with our demons head on, we project them onto our friends. We throw ourselves to save them, when it is us who need saving.

What if the reason why life gets so mundane is because we are afraid of feeling too much. Instead of looking at the sky and being with our own thoughts, we tap away at our phones to pass the day. Instead of spending some alone time with ourselves, we plug in and let the music paint how we feel. Instead of reaching out for help, we drown ourselves in self pity.

That being said, have you taken a moment to be with yourself today? Alone. Just you and your thoughts.